Newly arrived: a lighthearted post that will cover some of the things that make me happy and bring a smile to my face as of late. They are in no particular order. Enjoy.

• Country music
• Driving back roads with the windows down
• Long conversations with a good friend
• God's provision
• Goya Jamaican Ginger Beer (non-alcoholic, like root beer) that tastes like Stoney Tangawizi
• Doing laundry - especially pulling out the dryer lint!
• My big "smart water" water bottle that I'm reusing for some reason
• Strong Ethiopian Coffee
• Netflix
• Watching Jack Bauer (24) with the parents
• Taco Bell bean burritos
• Scalding hot showers
• My birthday weekend
• Caedmons Call
• Alphabetizing my CDs (yes, I'm a nerd)
• My wireless computer mouse
• HTML (nerd again)
• Avocados
• Soft Pretzels
• Lima Beans
• The Office (Season five comes out on DVD soon!)
• Having Mocha (my dog) home

Without the hope of Christ in my life, I think life would be insufferably depressing.

I was thinking a lot yesterday about where my life is headed. Where am I going? I feel like I'm aimlessly wandering. That has been the theme of my summer, and I think it's okay. I've used the summer to travel and enjoy time with friends and family. Summer has come to an end. I'm exhausted and I'm confused. I know nothing about finding a job. All my other jobs have more or less fallen into my lap. I'm a hard worker and I have no doubt that I can succeed at whatever I put my mind to. It's just a matter of finding the right job and making sure I'm not doing things on my own power - but relying on the guiding of the Holy Spirit.

Real life is so different from what I have experienced. Real life is tied down. I can't pick up and go visit friends whenever I want. Real life has many responsibilities. Bills and chores and the pressure to make sure things happen. I've experienced all of this, but never full-blown, full-time. I know I can make it, it just seems like an awful lot right now.

I have so many decisions to make this month. Where to live: FL or IN? Where to work? Where to go to school next fall? How do I use my money wisely? How do I balance between saving my money and still enjoying experiences? How will I spend my free time?

I need to set some goals about spending time with God. I've been doing a lot of praying recently, but spending time in the Word and listening for God's voice has been sporadic at best. I really, really want to be where God wants me to be and I want to be a faithful follower of Christ. I've been playing with the idea of starting up another blog where I will make it a goal to reflect daily about what I'm reading in Scripture and what God is revealing to me. I think it would be good because it would add accountability and motivation for me to spend time in the Word. It sounds terrible to say that I need motivation, but I suppose that's what accountability is anyway - a form of motivation to make sure things happen. So, be looking for that in the near future. I'm sure some entries will be long, and others will be short. My goal is simply to make sure that I open my Bible each day. If along the way, others can be encouraged or challenged by my reflections, then that's awesome.

Africa has continued to be on my mind frequently. I've been sorting through my pictures in order to make a photo book and print off pictures for scrap booking. I know I'm idealizing things, but I miss that place. I want to go back. The question is: Does God want me to go back? Why has Africa been on my heart so much recently? Am I supposed to raise money to send over to help people? Am I supposed to go back to encourage people? Am I supposed to go back long term? I don't know. I keep thinking that I'm just not cut out for long term living in another country. What if I'm wrong? I suppose God will make things clear in the years to come.

I think I might be perpetually cold for the rest of my life. It was in the upper eighties yesterday and I was walking around with a sweatshirt on and barely sweating... Oh, Africa.

Africa seems to be constantly on my mind as of late. I'm doing something that I haven't done since the first day or so that I was home - I'm calculating the time difference. I find myself sitting here, counting the seven hour difference, and imagining what Prudey and Joel are doing. I wish I could magically show up in their compound and give them both big hugs. I'd chase Joel and make faces with him and sing some songs with Prudey. Lots and lots of hugs. I miss sitting out at night and looking at the stars while they fall asleep on our laps or in the chairs beside us. I miss walking them to bed. I miss Benson's laugh. I miss dear little Fibi and her trying to pick off my freckles. I even miss it when all the African women started picking off my peeling, sunburnt skin. I've had a sunburn the past several days. My ears peeled yesterday - oh they would have loved that.

I miss being hot! Who would have thought? But I do! I miss fresh, cheap avocados. I even miss mangoes! I miss the constant greetings and smiles. I miss the beautiful, Kenyan accent and learning how to communicate with people who don't speak flawless English. I miss watching Man U games with people in Gulu, Uganda. I miss people: Negash, Sunday, Solo, Max, Maselin, Esther (all of them!), Silas, Gilbert, Rose... I miss my teammates.

I miss public transportation (even if you do basically sit on top of each other). I miss the semi-cheesy and very loud music that was always blasting from the matatus. I miss throwing my trash on the ground (which is a very terrible thing to miss, but I still have to make a conscious effort to not do so here in the states, two and a half months later). I MISS STONEY TANGAWIZI! I miss njera. I kind of miss walking (not as much as we did, but around town and stuff). I miss Salama Hotel. I miss Napa (grocery store). I miss Napetet and Nakwamakwi (villages). I miss seeing people in traditional dress.

I want to go back. I desperately want to go back. I know I'm idealizing things, but I still want to go back. Not to stay, but to visit, and to encourage. Maybe someday.

I just hate it when you wake up and you feel like you have a cloud hanging over you. Doubt and fear and anxiety weigh you down before you even set foot out of bed. There is no apparent reason for it, but simply a terrible feeling that it isn't going to be okay. It makes you want to roll over and go back to sleep. All you want to do is hide.

That's how I felt this morning. I don't know why. Everything in my life was settling so heavy on my heart. I did not want to get up and I did not want to face the day ahead. I laid there for nearly an hour struggling with my feelings and trying to convince myself to snap out of it. Surprise, surprise, nothing changed until I took it to God. I don't know why I waited so long. I laid there and prayed for quite awhile. I laid everything before Christ and asked Him to search my heart and remove everything that wasn't of Him. I asked His Holy Spirit to fill me up and move in me without any hindrance from me.

It didn't all go away, but it was drastically better. I think the timing is interesting. I had an amazing conversation with my Dad yesterday where we were able to talk about life. We were able to disagree and work through it in a healthy way instead of just letting the arguments sit and fester between us. I was so happy. Then last night Ashley took me to the young adult church service at her church and it was like God was speaking directly to me. My soul was encouraged and challenged and I was on fire!

This morning I wake up and can't even convince myself to get out of bed. What is going on? Praying helped things a lot. Is it a spiritual attack? I would be willing to bet that's part of it. God and I have been doing really well recently. I can't imagine that Satan is overly happy about the progress. A fire is burning in my heart for Jesus and I am making decisions and taking a stand where I have been unable/unwilling to for quite awhile. It's about time that things get difficult again, that the enemy tries to slow me down and drag me back.

Consumed my mind distracted all the time.
I cant figure out this world of lies.
She walks into her mind of aggravation.
She looks into the eyes of empty sad frustration.
Now I'm wandering around and I wanna be found,
but I don't wanna lose my sight.
I'm blind, I'm losing my mind, I'm getting behind,
it all keeps bringing me down.

And I live for you tonight.
And I'll live for the rest of my life.

Consumed your mind distracted all the time.
you cant figure out this world of lies.
Now your wandering around and you wanna be found,
but you don't wanna lose your sight.
your blind, your losing your mind, your getting behind,
it all keeps bringing you down.

I say, not now, you cannot bring me down
I won't lose this time,
It's time to draw the line,

And I live for you tonight.
And I'll live for the rest of my life.
And I live for you tonight.
And I'll live for the rest of my life.

That's a song that I listened to a lot when I was sixteen and way into Everyday Sunday. It's a song that encouraged me today. I am not going to let Satan bring me down - not now. I won't lose - I'm drawing a line. I will live for Christ - today, tonight, and for the rest of my life. Trials may come and storms may knock me to my knees, but I'm never going to quit holding onto the Truth.

Have you ever noticed how when things start to go wrong or become stressful, it seems like not just one thing starts going haywire, but multiple things? Why is that? Is it because everything really is spinning out of control, or is it because our stress level rises and makes everything seem worse than it really is? I suppose it really doesn't matter - regardless, things are crazy.

I feel like I'm buried under a heap of worries and cares. I keep giving them to God. I keep turning to Him in prayer and casting my burdens on Him, and I keep experiencing His peace. The stress always comes back, though. I know I invite it back by allowing worry in the back door. Father, forgive me and help me to leave it in Your hands.

All I can do is keep walking forward, keeping my eyes fixed on the Author and Perfecter of my faith. All I can do is trust that as I take each step, He is going to show me where to go next. All I can do is fall into His loving arms when I can't take another step and trust Him to carry me down the long road ahead.